Something every French mamma needs to know in France is how to serve family lunches. My husband and I returned this week from visiting family in Normandy. While on vacation, we had lunch at homes of four different family members.
Normally, I would serve the food in the order of appetizer, salad, dinner, and then dessert. I did this one time for while hosting his family and my husband apologized to our guests. In France, you serve the salad after the dinner.
The first thing you will notice is how the table is set. It is typical to see a small plate on top of a larger plate and silverware on either side. In the USA, we place the forks with the prongs facing up, and in France they traditionally put them facing down. My mother-in-law said that it is considered vulgar to have them facing up. I guess I didn’t make a good impression when I hosted my husband’s birthday part last year, or my daughter’s toast when she turned three weeks… I guarantee the prongs were up. Dang it!
A quick lunch may not have the same meaning for you as it does for your French guests… my husband’s idea of quick lunch is two hours, and mine is thirty minutes. So I gauge my schedule appropriately when he tells me we are going to have a quick lunch at so-and-so’s house. Lunches are generally served in courses, and the conversation never halts. This is a time for laughter and catching up with each other. The TV is always kept off, except for one time. The Olympics was turned on and the volume was barely recognizable. No one sat and watched it while eating, but gave it the occasional glance between courses.
For large gatherings, we are served an aperitif before the meal. This is usually an alcoholic beverage, such as a liqueur, champagne (my personal favorite), whiskey, martini, alcohol to mix with fruit juice, beer, cider, or kir. Once were were served some type of white wine with raspberries floating inside – very pretty and delicious! I received some strange looks when I took a spoon and fished out excess rasberries after I finished my drink, whoops!
A regular meal usually starts off with something simple, called an éntree. This time of year we commonly have sliced melon or half an avocado. The éntree is typically simple and light. It spurs the appetite and gets your ready for what’s to come. If you are served melon, you need to cut it with a knife and fork. All my life I used my hands, so using utensils doesn’t come automatically. At first I was clumsy and barely got any melon from the skin, but I have the hang of it now. If it’s a formal lunch, the éntree gets a little more creative with different flavors and garnishes.
Wine flows as the main course, or plat principal is served. The main course usually includes a meat and an assortment of vegetables. Sometimes the host goes around the table and serves each member, other times serving trays are passed around for everyone to serve themselves. A baguette is usually cut into slices, placed inside a basket, and set in the middle of the table. It is common to rub the bread in the remaining sauce on the plate… my plate is usually sparkling clean when I’m done! Lucky for me, my new family here can really cook.
Just when you are feeling full, the platter of fromage (cheese) gets passed around. This is when I get carried away and eat too much. The key is to take a small nip of each cheese for taste so you don’t get full. I enjoy goat cheese at lunch because it is light and fresh after a large meal. I also don’t always eat cheese with bread, instead, I will eat the cheese plain or with a little confeture (jam).
If it is a typical lunch, then it is normal to have yogurt for dessert. My mother-in-law adds a spoonful of confeture to plain yogurt and I love it. I started doing this at home – it’s so much more tastey than buying flavored yogurt, plus you can add more or less based on how much sugar you feel like having. It if is a large family lunch then you will most likely be served a gâteau (cake) or tart (pie). Usually there is one dessert for everyone, but once up north we were served two. I had a slice of a blueberry and an apple pie, and it was heavenly…. now it sits not-so-heavenly around my midsection. Oh well, it was worth it.
Depending on the family member, we are served different wines with each course or we have the same wine throughout the meal. While it seems like a lot of alcohol for lunch, no one is ever drunk. After the lunch, some people stay at the table for conversation but most people get up and go outside for a short walk. It’s common for my husband’s family to get up right after eating and do something together. While everyone is getting up, the host is cleaning the table. Another successful family gathering!
Miss Bougie says
Oh yes, welcome to The French Family! You speak, or rather write, from my heart.
It’s exactly the same when I go to my in laws. I’m sure you must have been spying on me. 🙂
My Mother in law is quite a kitchen goddess and everything is so tasteful and nicely arranged on the platters. A feast for the eye.
Salad after the main course but before or with the cheese, a different wine for main course and cheese, sometimes even for dessert when Champagne is served. I must admit that’s not my favourite, though. Actually to their horror, I’d much rather have a cuppa with my tarte.
Champers, Porto, Pineau des Charentes or Banyuls for apéro.
Some things have changed since I married into the Family some 27 odd years ago.
I get special treatment with the salad, as I get mine with the main meal. That’s what I was used to, growing up. A big salad bowl is positioned on the table and I go first, the others helping themselves after the main course.
My father in law likes his salad with the plat principal too, and he jokes that he’s only allowed when I come to dinner…LOL
And definitely no TV. Why bother visiting family or friends and catching up on the news when half of the guests are glued elsewhere?
Even after such a long time, there is one thing I still have trouble with and that’s the amount of time spent at the table. Apéro starts generally at 12.30 and coffee is served at around 4 pm! My husband, and he’s the French, has problems with that too, now. As he has with the amount of food. My non-french lifestyle has rubbed off on him!
It’s a whole new cycle of discoveries for you, and I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it quite quickly. Allez, courage. 🙂
molly says
Yep miss bougie!
Lunch is longer than any Thanksgiving i ever did in the states, lol.
We start at midi pile & don’t get a chance to leave till 18h at the earliest.
I went back to the states & my aunt had a fabulous dinner but nobody ate at the same time, a meal over in 15 minutes.
Tallulah@Bilingual Babes says
I am currently a member of a French book club where we eat a meal together… a very casual meal, but there is nearly always the cheese plate at the end!
Caro N. says
Bonjour!! What a great post! So true!
My husband hates those kind of lunches, but I guess the language barrier doesnt help… I, being French (Grenoble), love it! My mum is a kitchen godness, that I can’t compare to, even with her cookbook! One day… And like Miss Bougie said, a good way to get everybody moving after eating is the magic word “allez”! Bisous!
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